Topics of Premarital Counseling (& Why They Matter)
You’re engaged and starting to plan for the big day! Or maybe you’re considering engagement and have topics you hope to discuss with your partner to feel aligned on before committing to marriage. In either of these seasons, you may be curious about what premarital counseling could look like as you prepare for this big, exciting commitment.
Premarital counseling can be incredibly helpful for couples as they get ready to commit their lives to one another. For many couples, the idea of premarital counseling can feel a bit unfamiliar. The hope is that this blog will offer insight into some of the core topics commonly covered in premarital counseling.
These topics are meant to serve as a guide, and each couple will naturally place different levels of importance on different areas. You may find it helpful to spend more time on certain topics, while others may feel like areas where you already have a strong foundation.
Finances:
Finances includes things like budgeting, thoughts on debt, and how each person in the relationship views money.
This can include questions like:
“Do we have a budget/want to have a budget?” “Who will manage the budget?”
“What are each other’s views on debt?” “How did you view money growing up?” “Do we have debt coming into the relationship?”
Finances can be tricky because they are often close to our heart! Many people may have a hard time talking about money, especially if they didn’t grow up in a family that talked openly about finances. For some, money can feel scary or bring up feelings of insecurity.
Communication/Conflict Resolution:
This topic is a big one, and usually if I’m doing premarital counseling with a couple, we’ll spend more than one session on this topic. This can include things like mapping out your unique conflict cycle as a couple and identifying how each person in the relationship responds in conflict. It can also include helpful tools for getting regulated when things start to feel heated.
This can include questions like:
“How do you respond in times of conflict?” “What does conflict typically look like in your relationship?”
“Do you know what it feels like when you’re started to feel dysregulated?” “How do you typically resolve conflict as a couple?”
“Do you feel comfortable expressing your needs to your partner?” “Do you have a set time to communicate about your relationship with your partner?”
Family Planning:
This topic can sometimes be more hypothetical, yet still helpful! It includes things like what you imagine your family looking like, how you imagine parenting, and how your family experience growing up shapes your hopes and desires for your future family.
This can include questions like:
“Do you want kids” “If so, how many?” “Are you aligned on how you imagine your parenting styles to be?”
“What would you want to do differently than your family of origin?” “What would you like to do similar to your family of origin?”
Intimacy:
This topic, like finances, can be a vulnerable one! This includes topics around sex and intimacy, and hopes/desires/anxieties each person may have around this areas.
This can include questions like:
“What are your expectations for our sex life when we are married?” “Is there someone we can talk to if we bump into any difficulties in this area of our relationship?”
“Are there sexual preferences that you want to talk about with your partner?” “What is your view on pornography?”
Personal History:
This topic is all about getting to know what makes you, you! While you probably each have a good idea of your partner’s history & childhood, we typically spend some time talking about some of the big moments in your past, and how they shape who you are today.
This can include questions like:
“What was life like for you growing up?” What were some of your hardest experiences?” “Best experiences?”
“Did you experience any losses or grief moments growing up?” “What is your relationship like with your family?”
Spirituality:
In talking about spirituality, we’ll discuss all things faith and the role it plays (or doesn’t play) in your relationship. It can be helpful for couples to be on the same page when it comes to faith, or at least be able to talk to one another about hopes and desires when it comes to spirituality so that there can be a mutual understanding.
This can include questions like:
“Will we go to church together?” “If so, how often?” “Do we have a church that we both enjoy attending?”
“What spiritual habits feel important to one another? (ie: prayer, meditation, journaling)”
Fun/Connection:
Last, but certainly not least, is what connection and fun look like in your relationship. This can be things like shared or individual hobbies, date night, and how to enjoy one another!
This can include questions like:
“How often do we want to do date night?” “What are shared hobbies that we can do together?” “Is there a new skill or something we want to learn together?”
“What are some of the most fun memories we’ve shared together?”
As you read each of these topics, are there one or two that you feel would be helpful to spend some time on before getting married? Are there any you feel comfortable with already?
If you’re interested in doing some premarital counseling, I’d love to talk with you! I currently offer one-off sessions, as well as a 7 session, discounted premarital package that includes 6 sessions before your wedding and 1 check-in session afterwards. You can learn more here!